There is room for delicacy in Dominance. It’s not all hard hands and sore arses. I can assert myself gently, fingers against lips, fingers in mouth, hand against your wrist. It’s about knowing when to build to a crescendo with the cymbal bash, and when to just slide them together, let it build and build into something altogether more satisfying. The orchestra needs the punctuation, but an exclamation mark should be used sparingly.
It’s the delicate moments that let me really know. Anyone submits when there’s a collar around their neck, a cock stuffed deep between their legs and a heavy hand against their body, one wrapped around both wrists and the other tight around their neck. You have no choice, in that moment, because I’ve taken it from you. I don’t care if you willingly submit, because I’ve taken control, seized it with a military coup, all pomp and might and big guns.
Present you with the choice, though, and you’ll submit willingly. You have the choice to pull away, close your lips and stare me down. You can move your head back and you can shake your head. You can reach up and move my hand away. You can say ‘No’. But instead you accept me. No. Not accept. Surrender to. You wave the white flag. You let me win.
I occupy you.
Life might just be better if:
1. You let go of the past
2. You do stuff (instead of just thinking or talking about it)
3. You don’t let nasty people bother you
4. You make the effort to stay in touch
5. You allow yourself to make mistakes – lots of…
1. The Constant Victim - This kind of individual will always finds a way to end up as a victim in their relationships.
2. One-Upmanship Expert – This person uses put downs, snide remarks and criticisms, to show that they’re superior, and know much more than you.
3. Powerful Dependents – They hide behind the mask of being weak and powerless – then use their helplessness to dominate relationships. That is, they send the subtle message “you must not let me down.”
4. Triangulators – This person tries to get other people on their side. They’re quick to put you down, and to say some nasty things. They separate good friends or drive a wedge in families.
5. The Blasters – They blast you with their anger or they blow up suddenly. That stops you asking questions - in case there’s a showdown.
Indian demonstrators walk with placards during a protest calling for better safety for women following the rape of a student last week, in front the India Gate monument in New Delhi on December 23, 2012. In the biggest protest so far, several thousand college students rallied at the India Gate monument in the heart of the capital where they were baton-charged, water cannoned and tear gassed by the police. AFP PHOTO/ TENGKU BAHAR
[TW: violence] Men often react to women’s words - speaking and writing - as if they were acts of violence; sometimes men react to women’s words with violence. So we lower our voices. Women whisper, Women apologize. Women shut up. Women trivialize what we know. Women shrink. Women pull back. Most women have experienced enough dominance from men - control, violence, insult, contempt - that no threat seems empty.